In Progress
by Lizicia
Summary: 'This whirlwind relationship had turned into a vortex, the kind most people wanted to be pulled into, filled with words like love and commitment and forever. She wasn't most people.' Chase/Thirteen, AU.


**A/N:** Seems like I really cannot let go of this storyline. So, this next installment in my Chase/Thirteen stories ties somewhat into my earlier one, _Half a Secret_ but you don't have to have read it to understand any of this. No spoilers for upcoming episodes, just what's been broadcast so far.

**Disclaimer:** The characters are property of David Shore and Fox. I belong to my Muse, the fickle creature who never lets me get away with not writing.

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><p>Sometimes she dreamed of impossible things, of things far out of her reach. These were dreams never to be fulfilled, never to reach her imaginary bucket list because she would never do these.<p>

When she turned sixteen and her father, for the first time and fully explained the kind of condition she could have – he could never say bring himself to say _disease _and she hated him for this cowardice – she promised she would never have children. She would end this vicious cycle of children hating their disease-ridden parents. No, there would never be a little boy or girl who could say _My mother's name is Remy Hadley_ or _Remy Chase_, like her traitorous mind would sometimes whisper.

And there's the rub, as the Bard would say because the blond Australian was the main reason for her thoughts to turn to children lately. She found herself wondering what theirs would look like and mainly agreed upon dark hair – her dominant genes – and bluish-green eyes, a combination of them both.

Remy couldn't stop those dreams anymore but wanted to wallow in them and held onto them as the conflict inside her grew by day. She was a doctor, she knew that there was a chance her children – _their_ children – could have a normal life, a 50% chance of that, but she would never be healthy for them. And to burden Chase with the task of being a single father was too much for her to consider. The risks of it all outweighed any family she could see in her mind's eye.

But the simple fact that the existence of this man made her even consider having children, knowing full well it was insane, made her worry. How could he have broken down her defenses so completely and without her permission?

It had started slow. Remy remembered them sticking together after House was convicted and they were out of jobs. It started with dinners, movie nights, shared jokes and silly outings. Slowly but surely he had inserted himself into her life and one night she decided to take him up on his offer a year before that.

The inevitable conclusion to their chess game and his brazen proposition to have sex with him became a full circle. Truthfully, she hadn't minded the idea the first time but even then she'd known subconsciously that to succumb to this feeling was to never let go of him again and she'd been so afraid of that. And now this whirlwind had turned into a vortex, the kind most people wanted to be pulled into, filled with words like _love_ and _commitment_ and _forever_.

It was materialized in a simple aquamarine ring, in all essence, an engagement ring even though she refused to take it as such and wanted adamantly to think of it as just a ring. With her birthstone. On her ring finger. Had they been a normal couple, had _she_ been normal, he would have said _Will you marry me?_ and she would've smiled and said _Yes_. But instead, it was gifted with nothing asked and nothing answered.

Remy knew how much it meant that Chase was willing to go down the path again and she wished she could just let the vortex pull her in and she could let go. But the problem was, she wanted to control it, not let it carry her away because she'd been fighting her whole life against another vortex, that one dark and menacing and ending with death, inevitably. And it was constantly pulling her under and she was certain it would destroy Chase as well.

Now he was working for House again, with the team and while she had been sad to leave that behind her, she was also grateful for House because he'd let her go. At a different time when she had yet to appreciate Chase, she'd been inexplicably drawn to the force that was Gregory House. She'd recognized him for who he was, had seen the similarities between them but had managed to back away before the darkness they would create could consume her.

So she'd gone for Eric Foreman instead, after he'd saved her life and had made her see there was more waiting for her than the possibility of mutual annihilation. Remy had looked for a light there but Eric had wanted to change her, had wanted to banish all of her darkness and make her into the woman she could've been if it hadn't been for her childhood with a sick mother. He'd overstepped in the end and she punished him by breaking his heart.

At first, she had thought Chase couldn't see her darkness and mistook her for the enigmatic sensual woman she pretended to be. But when he'd propositioned her, she had realized her mistake because he wanted to love her as a whole, wanted to keep the darkness but also create a light. This was the closest anyone had got to knowing what she was really like and it scared her, so she fled far away but the link he'd established pulled her back to him and now had tied them both together.

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><p>Remy was pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of a door opening and closing and when she saw his weary face, made a lighthearted joke. This she could do and as he recounted the day and told her the others now knew about their relationship, she took it all in quietly, knowing her mere presence made him feel better.<p>

"It was strange, seeing that woman who was so young and who has to die. For her children to see their mother die like that."

Remy was quiet, knowing there was a hidden meaning behind those words, a reference to her, so obvious a blind man could see it.

"Do you ever think about having children?"

_Talk about reading one's mind. _Chase looked straight at her but she could discern no pity in her eyes, no sadness, just curiosity, so she fought against the urge to run away from him, from the discussion they had never had.

"Come on, Robert, we're both smart here. I can't have children." Not lashing out was harder to do than she'd imagined but she felt an acute pain at having said that out loud. Now Remy wanted to stand up and not feel his comforting presence but he was having none of it, holding her still next to him, gently but firmly.

"I didn't ask if you could, I asked if you thought about it. I think we should talk about it." He was having none of her evasiveness and she hated him for it and she loved him for it.

"I've certainly thought about it." He surprised her with that, putting it out there so she couldn't really escape and with a huff to show her discontent, she relented to have the conversation he yearned for.

"Yes, I have thought about it too and that should be no surprise. If I could just pretend I'm not sick and I'm not going to die, we could play happy family but this disease will not go away, so it is really pointless to think anything like that!" Remy tried to remain calm but all the repressed thoughts about children had stirred up too many emotions to simply let them be.

"I don't want this to become an argument between us, Remy. I just want to know what you think, how you feel, so I would know we're in this together and you won't dismiss me and go on a mission of self-destruction."

He had taken her hand and was gazing at the ring he had put there, the implication of his words clear between them.

"I know. It's just... I have never seriously considered having children because I know how impossible it would be. And you deserve to have someone who can do this and yet you pretend like nothing's wrong."

"It bothers you that I'm making you think of impossible things." She startled at his words, not sure how he could have interpreted her feelings so easily when she had trouble putting them through. She was also realizing with amazing clarity how much she didn't want to leave him and needed him to quench the darkness that she had fallen back on so many times before.

And she also knew the leap in this was for her to make, him willing to take anything she wanted to give.

"Why didn't you ask me?" Remy nodded towards the ring, the question not asked suddenly not a strain but something acutely missing.

"I didn't want to hear you say no." Chase was careful, even vary as if dealing with a frightened animal and she was determined to show him how much she didn't want to run any more, wanted to be claimed, wanted to belong.

"I will never have children with you."

"I know."

"I have maybe five years of sanity left and then it's a steady decline and when it comes, I will go like my brother did."

He flinched the slightest but stayed on course. "And House will do that."

She raised her eyebrows in question but realized he would have figured this out on his own easily. "But if you're still willing to do this..."

"I love you."

She smiled at his sudden impatience and nodded. "Then ask me."

"Will you marry me?"

"I love you."

And she felt lighter than she had in years, willing now to be pulled into this, with this man but it didn't feel like going under. It felt like rising above and she liked it.

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><p><strong>AN:** Too much, too little? I set out to write a more angst-ridden story but they demanded to be happy, so I granted them that. Reviews are greatly appreciated.


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